“I’m fine, thanks” (but you’re not)

I understand that this reply is often appropriate. Easy, automatic, move on. And besides, we should not share our souls to people who do not understand to appreciate the gift of us showing our vulnerability by telling how we really feel.

But in safe environments, why do we so often hide our true emotions and just hide behind armor of  “I’m fine, thanks”?  Here are few reasons why we should try to become more brave with our “how-are-you”-answers:

1.) When you tell how you really feel, the negative emotions will get easier. For example, if you admit to your friend that you are actually hurt and sad, only this act of naming your emotions will calm you – proven by brain research. “Name it, you tame it” as Dr. Dan Siegel says.

2.) By expressing the truth, you will get the “medicine” you need. When we fake “I’m fine”, we stay alone with our problem but when we gather the courage to express our true emotions, we have a possibility to get the help we need. We often forget that one of the most rewarding thing to us as human is to be able to help. People want to help if they only knew that you need help! So reach out, express yourself (even it means looking at the floor, whispering and feeling enbarrased) and feel how others want to help you. For example, people’s natural reaction to sadness is to hug which releases most magical pleasure hormone dopamine, which will already in it self help you feel better.

3.) When you truthfully tell that you are down, you get to enjoy the ride up with company. One of the best side-effects of being truthful and sharing your emotions, is that you get to enjoy the inevitable change for the better with friends. Instead if you have always say you’re ok, everyone is assuming you are ok, and are they wonder what you’re fuzzing about when you rejoice your improved situation. So have the courage to admit the true situation and see it as temporary phase in your life and let others join you in that bumpy but exciting journey. As great J.K Rowling said about her early troubles in life:

“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life” J.K Rowling


Who are we? Emotion Tracker is a startup with a mission to teach everyone how to understand and lead emotions. Camilla Tuominen is the CEO of this company and shares the mission in everything she does. The teaching of emotions happens through many methods: our webapp Emotion Tracker (get yours from our webshop), emotion lectures and training programs led by Camilla (book her through contacting her or Speakers Forum) or through illustrations by Camilla that you can see for example in these pages or in her book (Tunnekuvakirja). We are happy to hear from you!

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